An independent streak and sense of individualism

See: the middle child who doesn't bother chiming in on Zoom meetings because they’re used to being on metaphorical mute anyway.Ħ. On the flip side, Thompson notes that middle children might feel like their opinions don’t matter at all, and take a more withdrawn approach by being someone who never raises their hand period. You know that feeling when you raise your hand amongst of sea of people and nobody calls on you? That's big middle child syndrome energy. This may be characterized by a constant feeling of being overlooked, no matter how hard they’re screaming for attention. This natural counter-imagining of self might come with an inferiority complex (like Jan Brady's 'I’ll never be as pretty and popular as Marcia!' trope).Ĭonsidered through a decidedly more positive lens, this might mean a middle child can see a different path than their older siblings, since they have more freedom to define their identity outside of the family (more on that later). This isn’t an automatic trait, but it’s something interesting to consider. Jo becomes a feisty and independent (but stuck supporting the family while Amy's dancing around Europe and Meg's marrying poorly) and Beth is loved for her peace-keeping, middle child nature (but suffers from being the least interesting character in Little Women-and also, scarlet fever). And of the four March sisters of Little Women, Jo and Beth both thrive and flail in the name of middle child syndrome. But, that sense can lead to something more complex and interesting beyond feeling ignored and brace-faced.Ĭonsider Lisa Simpson of The Simpsons or Malcolm of the aptly named Malcolm in the Middle both are ambitious geniuses who, while arguably under-appreciated by their parents, are clearly destined to do great things. 'Middle child syndrome starts when you feel like you disappear between your siblings,' says Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT. Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapistĮssentially, though not a clinically recognized disorder, middle child syndrome revolves around a sense of familial separateness.Aimee Daramus, PsyD, LCP, Chicago-based psychotherapist.As long as you recognize which of your traits can be problematic, you have a better chance of fixing it and making it work with whoever you're in a relationship with. For instance, first borns make good matches with last borns than two first borns. Studies have found that certain birth order pairings are better than others. 'Change can only happen if an individual is willing to put in the effort of working on themselves.' 'People can grow out of these 'roles' if they want to,' Hershenson says. Besides, space in a relationship can be healthy, so be OK with giving your partner that if they need it.īut just because you're the oldest child and may have certain traits that carry onto adulthood, that doesn't mean you can't grow out of them. You may not like to share what you feel belongs to you, but remember that your partner isn't something for you to 'own.' They're choosing to be with you. Being the only child can also cause you to be a perfectionist. Because of that, they may be overly dependent on their partner and a bit possessive. 'Only children may have a tendency to want attention since that's what they're likely used to growing up,' Hershenson says. So whether you're the oldest, the middle, the youngest, or the only child, here's what your birth order says about problems you may face in relationships. It can even tell say a lot about what you're like in bed.

It can indicate how much you value loyalty or how likely you are to cheat. 'We often mimic our family dynamics in relationships,' NYC-based individual and family therapist, Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, tells Bustle.įor instance, your 'place' within your family dynamic can say a lot about the type of partner you need in order to be happy in a relationship. Over the years, researchers have come out with numerous studies on how your birth order may be affecting your life without you really realizing it. After all, it's not something you choose. How your birth order affects your life is a pretty interesting subject to tackle.

So if you've ever wondered why you seem to keep having the same problems in your romantic relationships, your birth order can clue you in. In fact, a 2013 study published in the journal Human Nature, found that your birth order can significantly influence how you are in relationships. Your birth order can affect your personality and behavior in ways you probably would've never imagined.

Middle child syndrome in relationships